Learning Who the Clay Is

Flying to Bethel

The love of my life, Connie, and I recently had the opportunity to travel to Redding, California.  Our purpose was to come closer to Abba Father seeking His ways and purpose for our lives.  Although we were there for 2 weeks in seemed more like a few days.  Our dear and close

Sharon, Connie & Me

friend Sharon Tierney was able to be with us the first 5 days and she made the trip even greater.   We left with great expectation and the presence of the Lord was with us.  We can’t report, yet, any great miracles as we don’t have any medical tests to confirm what our bodies are telling us.  I can report though that my strength and endurance have improved and the irregular heart beat that had plagued me has been gone.  There was one particular event that I will call miraculous but not in the physical sense.  It is much more powerful than that.  What follows occurs over a 24 hour period on our last weekend at Bethel Church.

It was getting close to 10 am on Saturday as Connie and I were driving west of 299 headed for Bethel Church.  It was a beautiful sunny day filled with promise.  We were headed to our second and last “Healing Rooms” tingling with anticipation and expectation.  Our prayers were bold, powerful and dynamic.  We knew we were about to encounter the Lord.  I knew this was a day that could change my life forever.  I was pumped.  Arriving at the church we could see that it was more crowded than the week before.  Still buoyant with the promise of healing for my heart, I walked briskly to the church from the crowded parking lot.  As you enter the church, they give you a form to fill out about why you are at the Healing Rooms.  We were in group 31.  Each group has 10 people, so they already had over 300 people come for healing.  

They have a four part system that moves people through the Healing Rooms experience.  The first stop is actually in the hallway.  There in the hallway, four prayer ministers meet everyone and begin the “warm up”.  They talk to you about healing.  Testimonials are given.  The ministers give words of knowledge and seek those that the Lord has put on their heart with a specific ailment.  They walk amongst the group giving healing touch and encouragement.  A few people had at least a partial healing in the hallway.  Physical pain was diminished in some and all were encouraged.

The second step is a waiting room staffed by 6 to 8 prayer ministers.  We were told that there were 70 or 80 prayer ministers ministering that morning.  While in this room, one of the ministers talked about how Jesus heals.  The focus is on the power of healing and who and how Jesus healed.  They again have words of knowledge about health issues.  One of the ministers asked if anyone had a heart issue and I was the only one to stand.  I am usually quite reserved about anything for myself.  For anyone else I can be exuberant but not for myself. Yet this day, my expectations and anticipations were beginning to soar.  The presence of the Lord was tangible.  The ministers walked around the room praying for those that stood after receiving a word of knowledge.  One of them approached me and barely touched me.  I felt very light and I was swaying a little.  I have only had one experience with being slain in the spirit.  Others may fall when touched but not me.  Not only did my heart seem better, more whole and more complete but my hearing was better and the floaters I had in my eyes were gone.  All this and we hadn’t gotten to the prayer room yet.  My belief level for myself had never been this high.  I rarely seek anything for myself so this was a new experience.  A number of people in this room were either healed or better when we moved to the sanctuary to await being called to the prayer room.

Sanctuary

In the sanctuary the praise and worship band was performing and artists were painting.  The chairs are arranged in large circles and you sit and absorb the presence of the Lord while waiting to be called.  You pray quietly and ministers walk around touching people.  It is a very serene and peaceful place.  Shortly though we were called to the prayer room.

The prayer room has 2 rows of chairs on one wall as you enter.  You sit down and wait for the prayer ministers to come to you.  They are in teams of 3 or 4 ministers.  People were getting selected all around me.  I was wondering when it would be my turn.  Finally someone came and got me and I was lifted once again.  Three of the prayer ministers from the waiting room were to pray for me.  They are among the most experienced and anointed.  They all laid hands on me and began to pray.  A deep peace and knowing came over me.  I felt I was being healed, healed from more than the physical.  I sensed that the emotional and spiritual were being touched as well.  It was a sweet and beautiful time for me.  I felt very very close to the Lord.  I knew that I was being healed.  

24 hour Prayer Room

I met Connie over by the chairs after our prayers and she could see the radiance and light upon me.  She was touched by my countenance.  We were among the last to receive prayer and the ministers were gathering in the center to share the miracles of the day with everyone.  We stayed and listened to the many testimonies, some of them quite remarkable.  Then they gathered the guests in the middle of the room, about 30 of us for an impartation from God.  Connie and I stood with this group and watched as one after another of our fellow guests were touched and given an impartation.  Then John Saltekoff entered the center of the group and started laying hands on people.  They would begin to laugh and then they were slain in the spirit falling gently to the floor.  He walked among the crowd and one after another they fell to the floor until just Connie, myself and 2 others were left standing.  The other two had received an impartation but remained standing.  We moved closer to John hoping to get a touch to top off a very remarkable day.  Instead he looked right at me and waved as he left the room.  

In all my years since I accepted the Lord as my Savior I have never been upset or angry with Him, but it ended that day in the Healing Rooms of Bethel.  We had traveled far in obedience to come to Bethel.  Connie had simply wanted a touch, an anointing, an impartation that day.  As I looked around, people were laying all over the floor.  You had to be careful not to step on anyone.  In the sanctuary I believe the Lord gave me two visions for my sweetheart.  Every time I have received a vision of this type they happened quickly and yet these two were unfulfilled.  For over three years God had given me a vision of healing for Connie.  In fact I had always seen her as healed.  The Lord would show me her progress toward real freedom many times.  It was slow but steady.  Here we had traveled so far and on our last time at the Healing Rooms I felt abandoned and rejected.  Out of all the people in the room Connie and me were the only ones not touched.  I was angry and hurt.

For the remainder of Saturday I didn’t want to pray or talk about God.  I felt completely deflated.  The events of the day which had showed such promise simply melted from my memory.  A grumpy man replaced the loving believer I was earlier.  Connie didn’t know what to do with me.  She had never seen me like this.  As the day progressed she was able to minister to me a little and I allowed her to say a short prayer over me.  I was very discouraged and sad.  As we prepared to retire for the night I told her I would take her to church in the morning but I wasn’t certain I would attend the service.

Sunday mornings at Bethel are crowded.  If you want a seat you need to get there 45 minutes before the service.  I dropped Connie at the door so she could get in line for us.  I then went in pursuit of a parking spot and thankfully found one of the last two far from the sanctuary.  I had decided to go to church and see what, if anything, God would do.  At this point I was still hurt and could have easily walked completely away from God.  Shortly after I joined Connie in line, the doors opened and we moved quickly into the sanctuary to get a good seat, we hoped.  As quick as we were, we were still 2/3 of the way back from the stage.  As we were waiting for the service to start, I noticed that John, the man that had waved at me in the prayer room was 4 rows from us.  I had noticed him but he hadn’t seen me.  Just as well he probably wouldn’t have remembered me anyway.  Why would he?

John & Sharon Saltekoff

John arose and proceeded toward the back of the sanctuary coming toward us.  As he got to our row, he stopped and said he woke up at 4 in the morning with our faces on his mind and he prayed for us. He said that when he awoke for the day that we were still on his mind and he continued to pray.  We asked him about the prayer room and John said he could see the anointing on us but that God had said not to come to us or touch us as we were to observe all that was happening.  He told us that the Lord had never left us or left us out.  He had singled us out though – to observe.  Neither Connie nor I quite understood this.  John continued to minister over us for a short while but he had to return to helping people as he is an usher.  

As Connie and I sat down, we looked at each other and smiled.  We gave each other a big hug.  Still uncertain about what had transpired in the prayer room on Saturday, we were not uncertain about what had just happened.  This wonderful gentleman, John, had asked the Lord for the opportunity to see us on Sunday morning and there we were four rows from him.  

The praise and worship was wonderful and the service was a salute to Bill and Beni Johnson for 20 years of ministry at Bethel.  It was a rare opportunity to see this beautiful couple remember the beginning, the challenges, the glories, the victories and the wonder of it all.  The service closed and Connie and I went to the front for more prayer.  We felt like we should get as much as we could before we returned home.  As we turned and walked up the aisle John, our angel in disguise, was waiting.  For the next 20 to 30 minutes he and his wife Sharon, ministered to us and prayed for us.  They gave us their testimony and shared the glory of God with us.  They had prophetic words, mostly for Connie :-), and sweet words of encouragement.  Twenty four hours before we were terribly hurt because we felt abandon and rejected.  Now we stood with the very man that we simply wanted a touch from and he ministered to us for almost 30 minutes.  We got far more from him on Sunday than we would have gotten on Saturday.

Refreshed but still wondering about the events of Saturday visions came to me.  In one I saw a large number of metal flakes.  I then saw a large magnet come and gather them all together and heard the Lord say, “these metal flakes are the hurts of abandonment and rejection that you have felt your entire lives.  Yesterday, you felt the magnitude of these hurts in the prayer room.  Today every binding to them is broken for you have seen that I have never and will never abandon you.  In fact, I prepare a way for you even when you are unaware and not expecting it.  Yesterday you climbed the mighty mountain of faith and belief only to fall into the deep valley of despair and anger.  This morning I took you to the highest peak you have ever attained.  I couldn’t do it with a heart still filled with so much hurt from abandonment and rejection.  So I brought all the hurts together in one moment of horrible sensation, so that your heart would be broken enough for Me to resurrect it.  Mark this day as a day of freedom, freedom from the pain of abandonment and rejection.”

As we were driving down the hill from Bethel, God gave me another vision.  There are many light poles lining the drive.  In the vision He showed me that the light poles cannot stand the force of wind unless they have piers that are very deep.  In fact the light pole can withstand almost any wind if the piers (roots) are deep and strong enough.  He showed me that the events of the past two days have dramatically deepened and strengthened our spiritual roots.  He showed me that as we move more fully into our calling that we would need deep strong roots to stand against the winds of the enemy.

This 24 plus hours was as dramatic as any I have ever experienced with the Lord.  I was so up and high filled with grace, mercy and expectations only to be beaten and thrown into the valley of despair with little desire to leave.  The Lord then gently drew me up and wonderfully and magnificently opened my eyes to His way and His plan.  It was not a plan to tear me up but one to break what needed to be broken so that He could reshape me more into His image.  It can be difficult to remember that we are the clay and not the potter.  True belief is always knowing who the potter is and that from time to time He will need to reshape the clay for a better way, a better time, a more perfect future with Him.

  

A Frog Reborn

When I was younger the Muppets were very popular and many of my friends associated me with Gonzo.  Probably because he is so handsome J 

  I then began impersonating Kermit the Frog and that stuck for a long time.  I still do the Kermit impersonation for children and the occasional childlike adult.  In 2012 I met the most amazing lady.  Embracing my Kermit persona, I wrote this poem to commemorate my emerging love.

Pardoned

As I sat one evening reading, I was transported to a room that was completely white.  Directly across from me was a raised platform with very large desk upon it.  Immediately behind this desk was the most intense white light.  High above the platform it said “Hall of Transgressions”.  I then noticed one man on my left and one man of my right.  They were very big men, at least seven feet tall.   They were completely dressed in white.  Each took one elbow and gently guided me forward to a table in the front of the room.  As we got close to the table they gently tapped me until I realized that I needed to sit.  Neither looked at me but looking at them, I noticed a remarkable thing, there was no shadow cast behind them from the great white light in front.  Strange I thought, but this is all very strange. 

The Light

I then began to speak, but as the words formed in my mouth there was a voice from the light that was deep forceful and powerful that said, “You are not to speak.  You are here to listen.”  So I closed my mouth and sat quietly waiting to hear.  The voice then spoke, “This is the day that we will review the transgressions from your life.”  I thought to myself, “I’m a good man.  I don’t try to hurt anyone. I love people.  What transgressions can he be talking about?”  And the voice spoke again, “You shall see today what transgressions you have done throughout your life.”  So again I sat quietly, trying not even to think now.

Then from somewhere a very loud sound came, like a large gavel hitting wood.  And the voice said, “We shall proceed.” Then I noticed to my left another man sitting at a table similar to the one I was at.  He though was not dressed in white.  He wore a fashionable and elegant black suit.  He looked at me and gave me a big smile.  His teeth were beautiful and perfect, completely white. As he smiled I felt a tremor go through my body and then the voice again, “You may proceed with your accusations.” 

So began my trial.  I had no idea what I was on trial for, but this was clearly a trial.  Now worried that there was really some terrible thing about to occur, fear started to creep into my mind and heart.  Not being able to see into the light, I looked to my left again and the gentleman in black just smiled at me.  A smiled filled with animosity and hate and eyes taunting me, filled with a sense of victory.  As the trial proceeded images flashed upon a screen, they were so real I thought I could touch them. There were scenes from my childhood, from my adolescence, from my teenage years and from my young adulthood even scenes from a few days before.  Time and again there was an event that didn’t reflect the goodness of who I thought I was.  Time and again there was something that I thought was inconsequential, but when viewed I realized that it was not good. 

Slowly I raised my hand and the voice said, “Yes.”  And I said, “Please dear sir can you tell me what you mean by transgressions.”  The man to the left chuckled a bit and the voice replied, “Anything that misses the mark.”

I raised my hand a little higher and the voice said, “Yes.”  And I said, “What is the mark?”  The voice said, “It is the perfection of God as shown by the Ten Commandments.  You are familiar with the Ten Commandments, are you not.” 

Sheepishly I dropped my head with my hand falling at my side and I nodded.  And the voice said, “Speak up we can’t hear you.”  With my head still down, I quietly muttered, “Yes.”  And the voice grew louder, “We cannot hear you speak up.”  I said softly, “Yes.”  Still louder the voice said, “We cannot hear you.  Raise your face and speak out loud.”  So I raised my head and said, “Yes.”  And the voice said, “Yes what?”  Staring directly at the light feeling my life so totally exposed I said, “Yes, I know the Ten Commandments.” With that the man to my left, the man in black, started to dance joyfully. 

As I sat there I thought, “If I was on the jury, I would convict me.”  Slowly I raised my hand and said, “Is this a jury trial in front of my peers?”  And the voice said calmly with force, “I am your judge.”  My hand fell to the table and I knew that I would be convicted.  There was nothing that I could do to change the things that I had already done.  I had no idea what the punishment would be.  Something inside seemed to accept that no matter what the punishment was it would be just and right and true.
The two large men remained standing next to me during this whole proceeding which seemed as if it had taken a whole day.  I noticed them then turn and look to the back of the room from which I had come.  I realized that there were two huge doors at the back of the room.  They slowly began to move and as they opened I saw a man step through the threshold.  He too was dressed in white.  I noticed immediately the beauty of his smile and the warmth of his eyes.  As he walked toward me I felt peace even though I had just been convicted in my heart.  He stopped about half way and looking into the light he said, “I’ve come to defend this man if he will have me.” And the voice said, “Come and speak to him and see what he will say.” 

So this man came and sat in the chair next to me.  Drawing close to me, he put his cheek upon mine and said this simple thing, “I’ve come to save you.  I’ve come to save you.  All you need to do is accept me and when we are done go and tell the world about who I am.”  And I asked, “That is all?”  He smiled so deeply and warmly drawing me immediately to him, “There will be more.  There will be much more but this you will do with a willing and loving heart.”  I looked at him and studied him for a moment.  As I looked into his eyes I felt such compassion. I felt such acceptance and love.  I felt peace, an all-consuming peace.  There was not a hint of rejection although he must have known of the transgressions that had been shown to me.  For what other reason would he be here and say that he could save me, except that he knew.  With tears forming in my eyes and my gaze still locked on him, I said, “I accept your offer.”

He turned to the light and he stood saying to the light, “May I approach you?”  And the voice said, “Come forward.”  He moved in front of the platform and as he stood there he said, “I have seen this man’s transgressions and I willingly and fully accept them as my own.  I will take the punishment that he so deserves.”  As he said I will accept the punishment, a red tear appeared in the back of his white robe and clearly it was blood.  The blood began to run down his robe.  Then another tear and then another tear and then another and soon the back of his robe was so torn that it fell to the ground leaving exposed raw flesh. The blood continued to pour from his wounds. 

He then turned to me and extended his arms and hands.  I could see holes in his hands and blood was running from them as well.  He smiled at me and said, “Rejoice, for I shed my blood so that you could be free.  I shed my blood so that you could know My Father.  I shed My blood because I love you.  I shed My blood because you are important to Me and My Father.  I shed My blood so that you can be in heaven for eternity.  With that He came back to my table. He put His arms around me and simply said, “I love you.”  A Dove flew from the light and settled upon this beautiful Man holding me now.  And the Voice said, “This is My Son, in whom I am well pleased.  He has paid your penalty and He has set you free.  You are no longer bound by these transgressions of your life and you are free.”  I again heard this loud bang as a large gavel fell heavily upon wood.

The Voice spoke to the man in black directing him, “This man belongs to my Son the Lord Jesus Christ.  He is protected by Jesus’ blood from now until forever.  You no longer have any dominion over him.”

Startled, I blinked and then realized that I had never left my seat.  The vision was so vivid and so powerful that I knew it really wasn’t a dream. Although I knew it was not in the physical realm, I also knew that it was real.  Overcome with emotion, I fell to my knees and cried out to God as a man pardoned from a horrible death. 

The Calling

As I sat before the Lord this morning listening to the song “The Great I Am”, I remember the impact Exodus 3 had upon me where Moses asks the Lord, “And they ask me, ‘What is his name’” to which God replies, “I AM WHO I AM”. It then occurred to me that we are made in His image, the image of “I AM”. The simplicity of God’s answer belies the power in it.Often this is the way of the Lord, power in simplicity. Where we

The Mountain of God - Mt Horeb

want to make things complicated, His desire is to make them simple. His commands are direct and uncomplicated and yet we fill them with complexity. He gave me a book title once, “Simple Not Easy”. The book was to speak of how God’s commands are simple but not easy for us to obey. We often have much to overcome in order to be able to obey the Lord. Such was the case with the saints from Hebrews 11 as well.

In Genesis 3 and 4 we see an example in Moses’ conversation with the Lord. Moses is drawn by a burning bush that is not consumed by the fire. In my own experience I have found that God draws me and never pushes me. Moses, curious about the bush is startled to hear the voice of God emanate from the bush. After telling Moses that He has heard the cries of His people He gives Moses his mission, “So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” Direct and to the point. Go and free my people. Moses, surely haven taken account of himself, declares that he

Mt Horeb

is unfit, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh?” Moses understood the mission but shrinks from the job and so it has been with me when called upon by my Father. How often do we ask this question ourselves, “Who am I?” or do we simply ignore His desires placed upon our hearts and minds because we don’t believe He could or would be calling us.

Undaunted by Moses’ proclamation of inadequacy, the Lord declares, “I will be with you.” Moses knowing that he is standing before God asks Him, who should I say sent me? I’ve done this. Not knowing how to get out of something, I will stall to try and come up with an acceptable reason not to do what I have been asked to do. After telling Moses what to say, He gives Moses a promise for the Israelites, “And I have promised to bring you up out of your misery in Egypt into … a land flowing with milk and honey.” God follows this with a prophetic vision of how He will do this.

Moses appears to still be intent on not going. I know how he feels for I have felt much like this but I have found that in simple obedience the most wondrous joy follows. In doubt Moses asks, “What if they do not believe me?” The Lord then gives Moses the instrument of deliverance. It is Moses’ own staff. How often have I gone to the Lord and asked for some deliverance to then be shown that I held the key all along. God then instructs Moses how to use it. My mind immediately goes to Ephesians 6:10 where Paul shows us the Armor of God.

Hoping to encourage a reluctant Moses, God tells him to put his hand in his cloak. Moses obeys and finds what must have been shocking to him – a leprous hand “white as snow”. God now tells him to put his hand back in his cloak and when he removes it, it was restored. The Lord tells Moses about the other miracles He will perform in Egypt. Still Moses is not signing up for this mission. He insists that he is not the one because he has “never been eloquent” even after the Lord has spoken to him. “The Lord said to him, ‘Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.’ But Moses said, ‘O Lord, please send someone else to do it.’ Then God’s anger burned against Moses.” Still God is loving and compassionate. He tells him that his brother Aaron will go and speak for him. Then in encouragement says, “take this staff in your hand so you can perform miraculous signs with it.”

Although I am not Moses, I have had similar conversations with God about far lesser things. When God calls us we can obey, we can argue, or we can deny. God is calling us now. We were made for such a time as this. Prayerfully consider what God asks of you. By you I mean each and every one of us. We are made in His image, in His “I AM” image. We are made for the wonder of God to be used in His service. Rise to His calling for you. He has made you for this calling and anointed you to be able to perform His calling.

Moses finally accepts the mission. Whether he did so with gladness in his heart or with reluctance we don’t know. He simply obeyed. It was a struggle for Moses and it was not easy for him to accept the mantel which God had lovingly woven for him.

Mountain Range around Mt Horeb

In the struggle he had experienced God’s encouragement and anger as well as God’s resolve that he was the one chosen. Could Moses have chosen not accept the mission? God has given us a free will to accept or not accept any mission put before us. We must choose just as we must choose the salvation that Jesus offers.

As brothers and sisters in Christ, we travel a road together. We are anointed to fulfill God’s will on the earth, to bring heaven to the earth, “your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Let us join in expectation of the fulfillment of God’s Word throughout the world. Let us gather the “staff” that God has given each of us and perform miracles throughout the land!

As I reread this I know that there will be those who read it that are hurting. Their health is not good, their finances are in a shambles, their relationships a mess, and many other difficult things. From my experience it doesn’t matter where you are today, you have a calling. If we were to wait for the perfect time or the perfect situation or for peace or energy or health or whatever, none of us would answer the call. Our Father can and will use us in whatever condition we find ourselves. For some, answering the calling is the way out of the circumstance. For others answering the calling, eases the circumstances. For many, I suspect, that answering the calling renews and restores their hope and faith. I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death. My body was so weak that I could not move and yet God used me in that condition to touch the lives of His children. My challenge to you is to reflect upon that which you have and not that which you don’t have. You always have the Lord. You always have Jesus and He loves you deeply and unconditionally.

The Difference Maker...

There was a successful business man who retired to a secluded beach.  Each morning he would arise early and go to his precious beach for his morning three mile walk.  Standing on the beach he would look to the north and then to the south trying to decide which way to walk.  One particular morning, he started north. 

Going only a short distance he thought he saw someone on the beach.  It was rare that he even saw a fisherman this early in the morning.  Intrigued as to who this might be his paced quickened.  Getting closer he noticed that the person appeared to be throwing something into the ocean.  His attention had been on this mysterious person before him and he had neglected to watch where he had been walking.  Looking down he saw that starfish where being deposited on the beach by the waves.  Since the tide was receding many starfish had been left stranded on the beach and would most likely die before the tide rose over them later in the day.  

He continued to marvel at the number of starfish on the beach.  They were everywhere.  There were thousands of them.  As he continued his morning walk along the shore, the number of starfish grew.  Without realizing it, he was almost upon the man who he had seen earlier.  He stared in amazement as this young man picked up a starfish and threw it back into the sea.  

Approaching him, he asked, “what are you doing?” 

To which he simply replied, “throwing starfish into the sea.” 

The man chuckled and said “do you see how many starfish there are?  There are thousands.  No, tens of thousands of these stranded starfish.  You can’t possibly think you are making a difference.”

The young man smiled warmly at the man as he bent down to pick up a starfish.  He brought his arm back and as he flung the starfish back into the sea he said, “it made a difference to that one!”

Such a simple story on perspective.  The older man saw no hope and no point.  The younger man only saw redemption of life.  It reminds me that I was once a starfish.  My Heavenly Father sent His Son to me to ask me if I would like to be put into the sea of heaven and be redeemed.  The Son said that He had already paid the price of admission, I just simply needed to accept Him and then acknowledge Him to others.  And then Jesus asked if I wanted to help Him redeem others.  He said the workers are few but the harvest is great.  Come and join Him and be enriched beyond measure.

Bill Gonseaux May, 17, 2014

Author’s note: The original story concept is from Loren Eiseley (1907-1977)